Hindi SMS – Dil Ki Baat, Shayarana Andaz!

Banta to Doctor : Doctor Sahab! Mein apna dimag daan karna chahta hu.
Doctor : Hoga to hum le lenge .

Son to Dad : Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga ki mein mummy se bina puche bahar ja saku?
Papa : Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!!

Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!

Ek din Santa ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala – I love you.
Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?
Santa : I love you Didi!!!!

Girl : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Boy : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!!

Dur gaon me jab maa baap sote nahi the,
to bacha kehta hai, so ja bapu,
so ja, warna ek aur ho jayega!!!

Girl-to-Boy – Aaye bewafe tune sab kuch saaf kar diya,
mera dil jala kar rakh kar diya
Boy-to-Girl – Aye ladki, teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
bhej de rakh mujhe, bartan manjne ke kaam aayegi.

Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata
dekh patni ne pati se kaha – Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas
kha raha hai, namaste karo.
Pati – Namaste Sasur Ji

Santa ne Banta se kaha,”Sabse bada challenge kya hai?”
Banta replied – Answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena,
paas karke dikha.

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Bhola: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai and jumps into the well.
Bhola: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Teacher : Santa batao `M’ for kya hota hai?
Santa : Sir, Mother!
Teacher : Right! Aab batao W for kya hota hai?
Santa kuch sochne lagta hai
Teacher : Santa kya soch rahe ho?
Santa : Sir, mein yeh soch raha tha ki Maa ulti kaise ho gayi?

Teacher : Santa ye batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?
Santa : Teen maidam.
Teacher : Teeno ke ek-ek example batao.
Santa : Madam, meine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha. Aaj mein ussey pyar karta hu aur kal mein ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.

Sardar: I have’nt slept all night in the train.
Friend: why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: why did’nt you exchnged the birth?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody to exchnge in the lower berth…

A Teacher lecturing on population – In India after Every 10 second a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?

Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is “you will go to jail”.

Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on
the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardar:”I’ve been
promoted as branch manager.”

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure
as to what to be filled in column “Salary Expected”. After much
thought he wrote : Yes!

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. you
know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking…

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It”s already raining.
Sardar: So what? take an umbrella and go.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever – What
came first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever you order first will come first.

Sardar wins Rs. 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave Rs.
11 crore after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: “Give me Rs. 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs. back.!

Postman:- I had to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet
Sardar:- why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted
it….

Sardar proposed to a Girl……Girl said ‘I’m 1 year older to
you’………..
Sardar said ‘Oye no problem Soniye, I’ll marry you NEXT YEAR.

Sardar’s wish :when i die,i wanna die like my grandpa who died
peacefulyin his sleep not screamin like all the passengers in the
car he was driving..

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:” Why are you writing so slowly?
Sardar: “I’m writing to my 6 yr old son, he can’t read very fast.

Lady Shouted At Midnight “SARDAR G” jaldi Utto BILLI Sara Doodh Pee
Gahi hai “SARDAR” Replied angerly “ULLO KEE PATI ” Kitnee Bar
Samjahya Hai KAMEEZ Pa Ka soya Kar…

A Sardar, his wife with son and daugher went to a
party.. he introduced his family to his friends
saying..” I am Sardar.. and this is Sardarnee …
this is my kid and that is my kidney…!!”

American says “US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..”
Sardarji ” India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai…!!!”
Nurse – “Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye..”
Sardarji – ” Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main use
surprise doonga..!”

What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE ………
Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai……
Doosari bigadati hai to “SHUROO’ ho jati hai

Ek sardar apne bete se bola : Bevakuf, kaisa machis leke aaya hai,
ek bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.

Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai….

Sardar found answer to most difficult question question ever
What comes first – the chicken or the egg ?
O yaar, jiska order pahele dooge, wo ayega !!!

MUNNA BHAIN M.B.B.S ON PRACTICE

Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke
laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai.

Munna: Bolay to Apun ko tera operation dobara karna paray ga. Kyun
ke apun kay rubber ke gloves teray andar hi reh gaye hain.
Patient: Agar yeh baat hai to mujhay jaanay do. Mien tumharay
gloves ki payment kar doon ga.

Munna: Bolay to darad kahan hai aapko.
Patient(F): Pooray badan mien hai
Munna: Yeh kaisay ho sakta hai ray, kuch detail batao.
Patient: Tocuhes her right knee and says here, then touches her
earlobe and says here, then touches her
left cheek and says here, etc.
Munna: Aesay hi khaali peeli tension de reli hai, teri finger mien
dard hai.

Patient: Doctor aap ko yakeen hai ke mujhay Namoonia (pneumonia)
hai, kyun ke pichlay dino aik doctor meri friend ka Namoonia ka
ilaaj karta raha aur woh Typhoid say mar gayi.
Munna: Haan ray meray ko pakka yaqeen hai, tu namoonia say hi maray
ga.

Aik patient Munnabhai k paas aaya, Munna nay us ka chekup kiya aur
bola
Munna: Tumharay pass ziyada waqt nahi hai
Patient: Meray pass kitna time hai.
Munna: Dus (10)
Patient: Kya Dus…. Minute….. Ghantay………. Din……?
Munna: No (9), Aath (8), Saat (7),…….

Raat ka time jab Munna aur chinkie apnay bed room mien so rahay thay
to phone ki ghanti baji.
Voice: Aray Doctor sahab jaldi aayeay! Meray betay nay blade kha
liya hai
Munna abhi jaanay ke liye tayyar hi hota ke dobara phone aata hai.
Voice: Doctor Sahab! Ab aanay ki koi zaroorat nahi, meray husband
ko shave ke liye doosra blade mil gaya hai.

Aanand jab end mien bachon ko story sunata hai to bolta hai;
Aanand: “Munna nay kaha tha ke woh mujhay aik month mien meray
feet pay khara kar de ga”
Bachay: Phir?
Aanand: “Phir kya, mujhay us ka bill pay karnay ke liye apni car
bechna pari.”

Munna: Apna munn kholo…..
Patient opens his mouth: Aaaaaaaaaaaaa……….
Munna throws his torch light in his mouth: Hmmmmmmm….. Torch sahi
hai.

Chinkie: Tum hamaisha clinic mien apnay saath meri photo bhi kyun
le jaatay ho.
Munna: Apun ko jab bhi koi mushkil aati hai, apun tumhari picture
dekh leta hoon aur woh problem solve ho jaati hai.
Chinkie: Dekha! Mien tumharay liye kitni achi aur powerful hoon.
Munna: Haan! Apun teri picture dekhta hai aur apnay aap say bolta
hai “Is say bari bhi koi problem ho sakti hai bhala.”

Munna: Teray ko maaloom hai k cigarette aik tarah say slow poison
ka kaam karta hai.
Patient: To mujhay konsa marnay ki jaldi hai

Makhi aur Machar

Machar aur Makhiki ho gayi shadi.
Pehli hi raat se ho gayi machar ki barbadi,
kehta hai ki meri kismat hi khoti hai,
makhi raat ko goodnight lagake soti hai.

What a Women Want

6″-6.2″ jis ki height ho,
jeans dheeli magar body tight ho.
biwi ka har nakhra uthaye,
itna mizaaj us ka light ho.
HUSBAND AISA APNA BRIGHT HO……..
uff tak na kare itna quite ho,
dinner banaye wo jab bhi romantic night ho.
shopping ker k jab bhi aaoon,
bolay,”tum kitni nice ho”.
HUSBAND AISA APNA BRIGHT HO…….
hamesha jo haar maan jaye,
jab bhi kabhi fight ho.
saas sasur se agar karoon koi baat,
bole begum tum hi bus right ho.
HUSBAND AISA APNA BRIGHT HO…….

Arz Kiya Hai….
Na woh inkaar karti hai
Na woh inkaar karti hai
KAMBAKHT mere hi sapno mein aakar
Mere dost se pyaar karti hai.

Jab Jab gire Baadal, Teri Yaad aayi
Jhoom ke barsa Saawan, Teri Yaad aayi
Bheega main,lekin phir bhi teri Yaad aayi
Kyon na aaye teri yaad?
Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi lautai…

Lal diwar par chune se likha tha ghalib ne
Lal diwar par chune se likha tha ghalib ne
Yahan likhna mana hai.

Unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar,
Kutte bhi hamare yaar ho gaye,
Wo to hamare ho na sake,
Hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye…
Jab dekha unhone tirchhi nazar se,
to hum madhosh ho gaye,
Par jab pata chala ki nazare hi tirchhi hai,
to hum behosh ho gaye…

Arz kiya hai, Door se dekha to santra tha, pass jake
dekha to santra tha,
cheel ke dekha to bhi santra tha, Khake dekha to bhi
santra tha.
Wah kya santra tha

Macchar ne jo kata… dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni… dil be sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki….
sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!

Khuda kare tera mobile kho jaye.
Mile mujhe aur mera ho jaye.
Karu SMS ladkion ko naam tera aae.
Maar tujhe pade
Aur kalejamera thanda ho jae.

Jab Jab tum angdai lete ho dam hamara nikal jata hai.
Aye Jalim Deodrant lagane me tumhara kya jata hai ?

unki gali se guzar rahe the kya ittefaq tha,
unkigali se guzar rahe the kya ittefaq tha,
unhoon ne phool phainka par gamla bhi saath tha !